


Acceptance

by CrimsonTears



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Homophobia, M/M, awkward victor and yuri interactions in beginning, bullying over sexuality, don't worry it gets good soon, first chapter is a lil short i apologize, future chapters will be longer, seriously, thoughts of ending life, victor is bae, victuuri gives me life, yes a cliche high school AU, yuuri has immense anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:51:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8584438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonTears/pseuds/CrimsonTears
Summary: Yuri Katsuki, 16 years old. He deals with depression, and anxiety. Not to mention he gets bullied for being gay. The only thing that really keeps him going is his admiration and love for Victor Nikiforov. Little did he know that the man he so desired ends up being intrigued by him





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first Yuri!!! On Ice fanfiction so give me your thoughts. I appreciate strong criticism. I actually don't usually write fics in first person, but I decided to change it up a bit for this fic specifically

The name is Yuri Katsuki, I'm 16 years old and currently in High school. Most people would probably assume I'd be that typical dork who has a crush on a beautiful girl that's beyond my league. Well, that's not how my story is going. I have no interest in women. I once thought I did since I used to have a crush on my childhood friend, Yuko. Unfortunately, things never worked out between me and her. It wasn't until I laid eyes on a certain someone that I realized what I really am interested in.

He's tall, with short silver hair covering one eye. His blue crystal eyes are probably to die for; never did I ever question my sexuality until I laid eyes on him. Yes, that's right. I'm interested in a guy named Victor Nikiforov. The thing is, I've never gotten the courage to talk to him before. I highly thought he's into men anyway, so I have little to no chances at getting him within my grasp. For now, I just stick to admiring him from a distance. He's always involved in school events, he's at the top of his class, and of course girls fawned over him left and right. For all I know, he has a new girlfriend every night.

Me? Get together with someone like that? Yeah right, impossible. Even less likely with the fact that there's been a rumor swimming around about my sexuality. I have no idea who started it, but people around here don't take being gay lightly. I've gotten nothing but hostility over it. I've tried to deny it countless times, but I always end up getting beaten up in the end. The only people I really hang out around is my childhood friend Yuko, and my foreign friend Phichit. They were pretty much the only ones accepting of me, and honestly it didn't really matter if I had only a few friends. That's pretty much all I needed.

''Yuri, you're all bruised up again!'' Yuko showed concern when lightly dabbed the cuts on my face with alcohol pads in the school's infirmary, I flinched from the stinging sensation.

I couldn't really bring myself to make eye contact, lately this whole thing has just been making me really depressed. So what if I like what I like? Why should it matter to anyone else? ''Well you know, people like me don't deserve to exist. I'm worthless….'' It took everything in me to hold back tears.

''Don't say that!'' Yuko suddenly yelled, startling me. ''Some people are just judgmental jerks, there's nothing wrong with you! You matter just like the rest of us!'' it was times like these that I was grateful I had her as a friend. She didn't care about what I am. The thing is, no matter how many times she would tell me, I still couldn't help but have thoughts if someone like me was really worth something.

''If that's true…'' I covered my eyes with the back of my hand as I felt the tears stinging at my eyes, I tried desperately to choke back those tears but they fought back even more. ''Why does everyone continue to beat me up just because I'm gay? I… I don't understand.''

This wasn't the first time I broke down in front of Yuko, just like this wasn't the first time I ended up in the infirmary. Being who I am, it was just a never-ending battle. Yuko and Phichit always stood by my side though, they continued to defend me left and right.

Yuko sighed, knowing her words were meaningless and would only make the situation worst. ''Yuri…'' she was about to speak when she heard the door open, and quickly silenced herself. When we both looked, my heart stopped. I swallowed, and quickly wiped the tears from my eyes with my arm.

''Was I intruding on something between you two?'' Victor Nikiforov of all people walked in on one of my worst moments, and he was chuckling, amused. Clearly he didn't understand what was going on. I just couldn't help staring at him, practically in a daze. I don't think I've been this close to him before, nor have I had any chance to say a word to him.

''O-Oh n-no we were just… I just… we were just—'' Damnit, I just had to go and screw up by getting flustered. My cheeks were literally burning up. He was literally walking art, how could anyone look that good?

''Sorry, Yuri was just upset and I was trying to calm him down.'' Yuko said wholeheartedly, realizing how nervous I was getting around the Russian. ''Is there anything you need Victor?''

I couldn't help being jealous at how casually Yuko was able to talk to him, meanwhile I was a blubbering mess. We hadn't made eye contact, but I couldn't get my eyes off of him. Luckily his attention was currently on Yuko beside me.

''Yeah, I cut myself during culinary class and need a little first aid.'' He revealed the cut on his palm, his gaze drifted over to me who was currently staring at him and I quickly turned away.

''Woah!'' Yuko eyes widened a bit, then she gazed over at me who was obviously flustered. I had yet to notice that little smile she wore, an idea obvious had swooned into her head. ''Yuri, go get the first aid kit and tend to his cut I need to quickly head to the ladies' room.''

''Huh?'' I snapped out of my daydream and saw Yuko smiling and waving before rushing out the infirmary. Was… Was she serious? Did she not know the way I felt about this guy?

I stared horrified when she left out the door, and felt my hands suddenly tremble. My heart was beating faster than usual. I glanced quickly over at Victor who blinked silently, staring back at me. I hurriedly looked away, not having the courage to even look him in the eye.

Just get this over with quickly Yuri, get this over with quickly…

I grabbed the first aid kit, and stood up walking towards Victor. Never did I make an effort to make eye contact, my eyes remained on the first aid kit in my hands. Of course my hands were shaking from my increasing anxiety. When I stood in front of Victor, it felt as if my whole body was boiling. Cheeks flaring with heat.

Placing the first aid on the table beside both of us, I opened it up and took out an alcohol pad. Grabbing his wounded hand I placed it on top of the cut. Again, my hands were still trembling. I could only imagine how Victor was thinking of me in that moment. Thinking how pathetic I look.

''—Is there some reason you won't look me in the eye?'' Victor suddenly said, within the dead silence that had previously enveloped us both. I froze, not knowing how to respond to that. Biting my bottom lip, I gained some courage and looked up at him.

He only seemed more good looking up close, it was like living a dream. Is this what it felt like when people met their favorite celebrity? It felt that way to me right now.

Victor smiled at me, which only led to my cheeks to burn even hotter if possible. I quickly looked away again, and just proceeded to wrap his hand in bandages.

''If you don't mind me asking, where did you get all those cuts and bruises on your face.'' When he asked that, I stopped wrapping his hand long enough to contemplate answering the question. Yeah, like I was really going to tell Victor Nikiforov that I got my ass kicked because I was gay. Not even I was that stupid.

''I fell.'' I quietly answered, finishing the bandaging. ''There, I'm finished.''

''Thank you Yuri—'', before I could receive any type of gratitude, I rushed out of the infirmary. If I stood in there alone with him any longer, I was seriously going to lose it. Never have I ever been that close to Victor before. Not to mention I was an emotional wreck. He's probably thinking right now, about how pathetic of a person I am.

Even if it's true, I really am pathetic. Ever since the rumor about me being gay has gotten out, I've only just gotten more and more depressed. People have begun treating me differently, aside from my friends everyone else began looking at me in disgust. Some didn't care for the rumors, and then there were those who felt obligated to beat on me because of the rumor. It's gotten to a point where there's times when I'm too afraid to come to school, I'm only in school currently because Yuko kept persisting me over the phone.

What's the point? My grades have started declining, I used to be an straight A+ student but now I'm actually considering dropping school altogether. Maybe work in a fast food place, or just move far away from here. Somewhere with strangers that had no idea who I was, just isolate myself from the whole world.

I ran into the boys' bathroom, and locked myself in one of the stalls. Like usual, I cried. I just let myself breakdown. ''I'm so pathetic, I'm so damn pathetic!'' I yelled repeatedly, tears running rapidly down my face. My voice cracked as I sobbed, not even making an effort to see if anyone else was in the bathroom. I buried my face in my palms and just continued bawling.

''Why does life keep screwing me over? What did I ever do to deserve this?''

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, but right now I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. It was currently last period so maybe if I stood put here long enough, I wouldn't have to encounter anymore people and just head home. Then lock myself in my room for the next few centuries.

Hearing the door open, I let out a small gasp and clasped both hands over my mouth in an effort to shut myself up.

''Man, that girl I was going after has the hots for Nikiforov.'' I heard one of them say,

There was a laugh towards it, ''Looks like you ain't got a chance, every girl is on that pretty boy's ass.''

''I really don't see what's so great about him.'' Well looks like these guys are jealous, it isn't very surprising to hear Victor has some haters.

''If anything, I'd totally go for that guy if I was a girl.''

''You don't know how gay that sounded..'' One of those commented in disgust, I couldn't help but wince at the comment.

''Yeah true, my bad.''

''Speaking of which, where's that Katsuki kid? I'm in the mood for some entertainment.'' Damnit, they knew who I was. It was probably some of the guys that kept beating on me before. No, this can't be happening. I can't do anything if these guys are in here, what if they notice me? I'm screwed, I'm screwed. This is NOT happening right now.

''Haven't seen him since we put one on him earlier.'' They both started laughing,

''Yeah, the least that piece of trash can do is give us something to do to pass the time.''

I couldn't help hyperventilating, my nerves were getting the better of me. I had to try my best to be quiet, but my fears were eating me alive. They couldn't do anything to me if I was inside here, but that still didn't make me any less afraid. Damnit, damnit, damnit. Just leave, leave already!

When the bell finally rang, I couldn't feel more relieved. I heard their footsteps going out the door, and I let out a sigh of relief. They were gone, he could go home. That was a close call, even if his self esteem withered by just hearing their conversation. People were not accepting of others that were different, that's just the society we live in. If anything, I'd prefer living in America where people like me were treated more fairly. It's a dream I'll have, but most likely never achieve.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, I inhaled then exhaled. I felt a lot better now that all those emotions were out of my system. The only thing was that I had this odd feeling that someone was staring at me. Looking behind, from side to side, I didn't see anything. Then I looked in front of me, finding Victor staring at me with an intent gaze.

My heart jumped out my chest, and suddenly all the blood in my body seemed to rush up to my face. ''T-The bathroom's empty if that was what you wanted…'' I stared awkwardly at my feet, then scurried off because dear god I wasn't worthy enough to even be in the same room as this guy. Like those two delinquents said in the bathroom, I'm a piece of trash.

''Wait, Yuri.'' He knew my name, the guy I'm head over heels for knows my freaking name. Damnit, why did my feet decide to stop the minute I heard his voice? I couldn't help it.

Turning my head to look towards the silver haired Russian, ''Y-Yes?'' of course I stumbled over my words like an idiot.

''Do you mind if we can talk for a second?'' he asked nonchalantly, the smile he wore seemed genuine but I wasn't exactly sure what his motive was for talking to me. Maybe he found out about the rumor and wanted to ask me directly, then treat me like I'm lesser than a human being like everyone else, or he wanted to continue to ask about the bruises on my face. Either way, it was too risky. Besides, it'd be bad for his reputation if he was seen with trash like me. Whether he saw me as less of a human being or not, I still looked up to him and was in love with this man so I wouldn't risk it. I don't want him to know anything about me. Having Victor Nikiforov of all people put me down would be the end for me.

''I-I have to go, maybe some other time.'' Before Victor could say another word I rushed to my locker, and quickly got all my stuff, shoving it into my backpack, then went on home. Hopefully I wouldn't bump into anyone, and would just be in peace for once.

My phone began vibrating in my pocket, which meant it was ringing. I had ignored it earlier, so maybe it was better to answer it this time. Taking it out of my pocket, I saw it was Phichit. Sighing, I answered it.

''Yeah, what's up Phichit-kun?''

''Yuri, you ignored my texts from earlier!'' He whined, almost as if it was obvious he was pouting on the other end.

''Sorry, I was a little distracted.'' Yeah, while hiding in the bathroom like a worthless human being.

''Well, I have a party this weekend and I wanted to make sure you were coming or not.''

I blinked a few times, a party? Is he not aware that half of the school hates me? ''I don't think that's such a good idea-''

''Don't worry, it's not a huge party. And I only invited people I know wouldn't mess with you, so can you come?''

It was actually an interesting idea, I didn't really do anything over the weekend so maybe. Closing my eyes, I contemplated going or not. Should I? If it's a small party then it shouldn't be too bad. ''Alright.'' For the first time during this crappy, hell of a day I smiled. ''I'll go.''


	2. It Doesn't Matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the next chapter, tell me your thoughts please haha

After arriving home, I didn't bother say anything to anyone. I also wasn't really in the mood for dinner either. Pretty sure my family was used to this behavior from me by now. I'd lock myself up in my room, and just wallow in solitude and despair. This wasn't anything new, but I knew my mom was especially worried about me. As sorry as I felt, I just couldn't put all my problems on her. My mom deals with enough as it is, I shouldn't add to the problems.

Sitting on my bed, I leaned up against my wall and took out my phone to check twitter. My school was obsessed with social media, and of course I'm included in that obsession. The only thing is, I previously kept getting harassed by delinquents in private messages so I had to make a new account and limit the people that I followed. Right now I only follow Yuko, Phichit, a few celebrities I was interested in, and of course.. Victor. I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend most of my time looking through his twitter, reading his tweets and checking out his photos. You could say I was a fanboy of his.

It's the only thing that really kept my mind off current problems, so I decided to check his twitter.

''Can you believe I met someone really interesting today?'' I read one of his tweets aloud to myself, and blinked silently. Apparently he met a girl who caught his interest, lucky her.

The mere thought made me sigh, it wasn't as if I had a chance with him anyway. Yet, it always bothered me to think of him being in a relationship with others. Even if I did somehow miraculously gotten into a relationship with Victor, it's not like it'd last long. There wasn't anything interesting about me, we're far apart in terms of character and charisma. It'd be like the beauty and the geek.

Being how I could barely manage standing within several feet of him, a relationship was really pushing the borderline when it came to possibilities

The mere thought of him was making my whole face hot, maybe it'd be better to take a cold shower. Also I needed to get my thoughts in order if I didn't want to embarrass myself at Phichit's party. Yeah, all I needed to really think about. Push all thoughts of a one-sided crush into the back of my mind, that's what I really needed to do.

Finally, it was Saturday night. The day of Phichit's party. Before leaving, I made sure to psyche myself out of any negative attitude I might have remaining. Slapping both of my cheeks, I took deep breaths before leaving.

So much for embarrassing myself though, because I forgot to use the bathroom before leaving and ended up having an emergency when I got to Phichit's door.

''Yuuri! Glad to see you!'' I was met with his friendly smile, but I unfortunately couldn't stay still due to certain matters. ''The bathroom's right over there.'' He pointed out for me, laughing as he immediately realized my situation.

''Thanks!'' I ran breathlessly to the bathroom, and holy crap was I relieved once I finished in there. I was washing my hands, smiling to myself. Maybe this party wouldn't be all that bad. Better yet, I might even meet some new people who wouldn't treat me like I'm any less of a human being.

''Are you finished in there?'' I heard someone knocking on the door from outside, took me a second to realize I was probably taking a little too long in the bathroom. After I dried my hands, I opened the door.

''Sorry for taking too long…'' I apologized with an awkward laugh, rubbing the back of my head. Then I realized how taller the person was than I am and had to look up a bit, thus my heart proceeded to leap out of my chest.

Victor Nikiforov was standing in front of him. Even worst, I kept him waiting. Oh god.

''Oh Yuuri!'' He said my name as if we've been friends for years, I only wished that was the case. For just a moment he placed his hands on my shoulders, his piercing blue eyes looking down into mine. ''It's fine, but could you wait here until I finish? I never got a chance to talk to you yesterday.''

Being that his hands made contact with me, I barely managed the nod that came forth after. His hands were removed from my shoulders once he went inside the bathroom, and it felt as if I could still feel them on me.

Stay here and wait for him to talk to me? Dear god, this can't be real. Even more so, my anxiety got the better of me and I quickly rushed out of there. I could still feel my body burning up from Victor's touch, it may have only been him putting his hands on my shoulders but it seemed like a gift bestowed upon by the gods. Asking for anything else would seriously be pushing it. I wasn't worthy as a human being to associate myself with him.

That was only further proven when I felt the need to go outside to the patio. If I had known Victor was going to be at this party, I probably would have stood home. I always end up a blubbering mess around him.

Sitting myself on the front steps, I dug my hands into my hair with frustration.

''Get a hold of yourself Yuri, you didn't come here to act like a coward…'' I told myself as some sort of encouragement, it wasn't working though.

''Oh look, it's the little gay boy!'' Hearing those words, my stomach dropped. By the tone of voice, it didn't seem like someone friendly. Phichit said he didn't invite anyone who'd screw with me like they did back at school. No, I knew full well Phichit wouldn't lie to me like that. They were probably pissed about not getting invited. So of course, they were going to take it out on me.

Usually I'd probably make an attempt to run away, but in the end I always managed to get caught. So there wasn't any point. I'd just let it happen.

''The hell? You think you're too good to pay us any attention?'' The two came up to me, and I could feel their malicious glares without even having to look towards their way. I never really bothered to know these guys names, but if I did know them I'd damn the both of them to hell with how they always made me feel lesser than what I was. Because when I had started High school, I was a completely different person from how I am now. It was the constant beatings, again, and again. The name callings,being told to kill myself, being told I wasn't worth anything. The list goes on, not to mention they had other students follow in on their constant bullying. It was a never ending nightmare, and honestly I would prefer being dead than having to endure this suffering. So maybe if I let them beat me enough, my soul will eventually leave this world. I could be free.

One of them grabbed my collar and pulled me forward, I didn't resist. A look of emptiness filled my eyes, staring back at them without any show of fear. Yeah, beat me to your heart's content. Do it.

A punch landed into my face, knocking my glasses off. It hurt, and it was hard enough to make my face ache. That wasn't the end of it. Both of them began doing it, eventually dropping me to the ground. Kicking, and punching. I didn't cry out, yet the tears filled my eyes as I endured the pain.

''Just because you're invited to a party, doesn't mean you can act all high and mighty.'' One of them snapped, that was literally the dumbest excuse I've heard. I didn't say a word to them, I didn't even look at them, yet I was supposedly acting 'high' and 'mighty'. If I breathed too much they might also assume I'm acting like I'm too privileged for the rest of the world.

God, just beat me and get this over with. I'm tired of hearing those mocking voices, judging me, insulting me… Am I really that much of a worthless person?

When they realized they weren't getting any kind of response out of me, they grew bored and finally left me alone. I honestly didn't have any motivation to move from my spot on the concrete floor, I most likely deserved to be there. It was only several minutes later when Phichit ran out his door to my side,

''Yuuri, what happened!?'' He helped me up, and put my arm around his shoulder but I refused to talk. ''….They came after you again? I'm sorry, I swear I didn't invite them. They must've gotten mad and hung around here.''

''I know, it's fine. I'll go back inside.'' I took my arm from around, picked up my glasses and proceeded to go back inside his house.

''Why do you keep being distant?'' I stopped in my tracks, but didn't look towards his way. ''Yuko and I are your best friends aren't we? Why do you continue to distance yourself from us?''

I wasn't really sure how to answer that. Yeah, ever since the bullying started I began to distance myself from everyone. Even the people who I knew cared about me. I guess it was my own little defense mechanism, I always had a little feeling that the whole world seemed to be against me. No matter how long I've known Phichit and Yuko, I couldn't help the feeling that they were against me like everyone else as well.

''I'm sorry.'' That was pretty much all I could really say. I went back inside without another word to him, but I knew this wasn't the end of our conversation. I could practically feel his eyes burning into the back of my head. But what I was grateful for is that he never pushed it, he knew when and when not to intrude on my feelings. Phichit was just waiting for when I finally decided to be more open with my feelings. Who knows when that'll be, if it ever happens.

Luckily enough, I knew where the first aid kit was since I've been over to Phichit's house numerous of times. When I was about to open it, a hand had stopped mine. I froze, noticing the bandages on it. Oh yeah, that's right. I pretty much ran away from Victor earlier so I can imagine he wondered where I went off to. Or maybe he just brushed it off and occupied himself with someone else.

I looked up to see said person staring at me. ''I asked you to wait for me earlier, and then I come and find you covered in more cuts, and bruises than I originally met you with.''

I looked down at his hand which was still ontop of mine, and snatched it away to avoid my body from further overheating. A lump formed in my throat as I swallowed, not knowing what to say to him. I keep encountering this guy over and over again.

''I fell.''

Victor grabbed my face and forced me to look into his eyes, apparently that excuse wasn't good enough for him. There was a look of intensity in his sapphire blue gaze, my face only filled with scarlet red from the contact this guy was giving me. He's going to be the death of me, really.

''You really need to be more careful Yuuri, can't ruin that lovely face of yours.'' Okay now this seriously must be a dream, he wasn't actually saying this. With a serious face nonetheless. I'm hallucinating, yeah. I must have gotten kicked so badly that my brain stopped working correctly.

''W-What?'' Was all I uttered out, the anxiety I was feeling was becoming more evident. I felt like mush under his touch, even if my cuts and bruises were throbbing with pain endlessly right now. I only wished I was bold enough to grasp his hand tightly. But I could imagine the look of disgust he'd probably make from such an act of affection.

''Since you helped me the other day, how about I return the favor?'' He smiled at me, and oh god there goes another giant leap in my chest. How can one human being be so perfect? Damnit, I need to go hide in a ditch somewhere.

I brought my hands up to his since they held my face, and made a weak attempt to yank them off. ''I-It's fine, there's no need.''

His hands descended from my face, and I was about to make a run for it again. ''Do you… not like me or something?''

''—Huh?'' I stared at him a little perplexed at his comment.

A frown followed as he crossed his arms over his chest, ''You always run away from me whenever I try to talk to you, did I do something wrong?''

''No!'' I exclaimed, more loud than I originally intended. It even caught Victor off guard. ''You didn't do anything wrong! I admire you more than anyone I've ever met, you're everything I aspire to be! You're confident, you're outgoing, you're everything I'm not! I really do like you Victor!'' after saying all that, it took me a moment to realize how bold I sounded saying all of that. Seeing the surprised look on Victor's face, I couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment.

''See now I knew you was interesting.'' He started laughing, I wasn't sure why. Maybe because I sounded like a huge idiot. Victor opened up the first aid kit, and took out bandages, cotton balls and rubbing alcohol. Dabbing some on my face, I flinched a bit from the stinging. ''If you want, I can help you be confident.''

''—What? Ouch..'' I winced when he pressed down on my cheek a little too roughly, before sticking a bandage on it. ''What do you mean?''

''You said you aspire to be like me, so why not let me help you out a bit?'' he stated, and to be honest it was an interesting idea. ''But first, you should stop lying to me.''

Crap, he saw right through me. I felt as if I lost every ounce of oxygen in my body. ''I know you haven't been getting those injuries from a fall, how about being a little more honest with the person you admire.''

I sighed internally, looking away from his gaze. ''…I don't really feel like talking about it.''

''Alright, you can tell me another time then.'' I was relieved when he finally dropped the subject, as much as I was grateful to be talking to him, there was also an immense fear over it.

Before he could say anything else, I silently walked away. ''Yuuri?''

''You really shouldn't associate with someone like me Victor, save yourself the trouble.'' I could only imagine how much it would ruin his reputation if he was to be seen in public with me. ''I've been fine admiring you from the shadows anyway.''

Victor grabbed my arm, and almost instantly a shock of pain welled up and the pain showed on my face. We both stood silent, then he spoke up.

''Yuuri, come with me for a second.'' The Russian practically dragged me to the bathroom, of course taking the first aid kit in hand. I protested but he unfortunately didn't listen to a word I said. We ended up in the bathroom, and he blocked the door to prevent me from leaving.

''Take off your shirt.'' He demanded, and I was pretty much lost for words. I stood there giving him the 'What the hell?' stare. He remained unfazed, ''Take it off or I'll go over there and do it for you.''

With that I took off my black tee, and then I noticed the way my stomach and arms were bruised. Most likely from the repeated beatings I kept receiving.

Looking over at Victor, I could barely read the expression on his face. He just kept staring at me, leading me to feeling subconscious. Cold hands grazed over my stomach, as if he was examining the marks.

''Have you considered going to the hospital to get this checked out, it looks pretty ser—''

''I'm fine.'' I slipped my shirt back on. Damnit, I don't understand why he's so concerned with me. ''Just.. leave me alone please.'' I left him alone in the bathroom. My chest was still pounding was coming so close in contact with him. I really didn't mean to come across so rudely to him, but I preferred if he didn't pry into the whole issue with my bullying. I highly doubt he can help me be even the slightest similar to him as well. Ridiculous. Impossible.

I was fine being alone and miserable, that was all I was ever met with nowadays.


	3. Is this really happening?

So much for this party being enjoyable. There was some awkwardness between me and Phichit, and then there was the situation with Victor. He may have been right about my injuries, they were pretty serious. Here's the thing though, I didn't value myself enough to even consider going to the doctor. Not to mention, it'll cause a huge fuss. The doctors would call my parents, my parents would start asking questions, and there on. These were my own problems, so I'd handle them on my own.

Plopping myself on Phichit's couch, I laid my head back and closed my eyes. Just a moment's of peace, that's all I needed right now.

My breathe hitched when I felt something caressing my thigh. I quickly sat up straight, then stared horrified at the girl beside me. Fair skinned, with auburn hair. The smirk and bedroom eyes she was giving me was making me immensely uncomfortable. Most boys would probably get turned on by this, but me? I couldn't help but squirm, and even move myself away from her. This girl was obviously drunk, not in her right mind.

''Hey cutie, I'm a little bored. In the mood to entertain me?'' She moved closer, drapping her arms all over me.

''N-No thanks, if you don't mind.. please stop touching me.'' I pleaded pitifully, and then tensed up when I felt her hand slip under my shirt. Crap, no.. Why couldn't I move? It was as if I lost all range of motion in my limbs.

''A virgin hmm?'' She giggled drunkily, the stench of alcohol reeked from her lips. It was nauseating. ''I can help you out with that.'' I shivered as her hands roamed around beneath my shirt, and withheld any peeps of pain from when she touched the areas I was bruised at.

''Stop this, stop, stop, I don't want this!'' I screamed internally. why do these things keep happening to me?!

''This sure is a great party, don't you two agree?'' Victor came and sat between the both of us, and let me just say I have never been more relieved to see him in my entire life. Without a second thought I pulled my shirt back down

''It is now that you're here.'' The woman snickered, getting close to the Russian. Her hands traced circles around his chest, ''Ever considered taking me back, hmm?''

I stared dumbfoundedly at the two. So they dated at one point. I shouldn't be too surprised, Victor did seem like the flirty, playboy type. In a way, they looked good together. Not that I'd be happy seeing them together.

Being that it was only a little while ago, I could still feel his touch. It was soothing, and I would love nothing more than to experience it all over again. It was odd how feelsy Victor was, but it couldn't compare to the discomfort he felt when this woman decided to come onto him. Maybe it was due to the fact that she came on a little too strong, and forcefully at that.

''I'm sure you remember why I broke up with you Mila.'' Victor spoke with a nonchalant tone, smiling carefreely.''You're obnoxious, too flirty with other guys, untrustworthy, and demanding. I have no interest in you anymore.''

Harsh, not to mention he smiled while saying that. Well it should be expected that someone like him would have such high standards. After he finished telling her off, I felt his arm go over my shoulder as if to tell me not to run off during this little commotion. I couldn't help but anxiously wait until the two were finished arguing.

The girl, who supposedly was named Mila scoffed at him before standing up. Leaning over, she slapped him across the face. ''You wish you had someone as amazing as me, fine. Stay with your little cherryboy friend over there, I have a better man anyway.'' She stormed off,

''I'm sure he'd be happy to know you were hitting on two other guys~!'' Victor amusingly called out to her, then his gaze was fixated on me. I turned to look at anything else except him though. ''So, cherry boy..''

I twitched at the nickname, wasn't actually the worst thing I've ever been called but I preferred not hearing it at all. ''Don't call me that please…'' for some reason I kept getting so close to Victor, and although it wasn't as overwhelming as the first few times it happened, that didn't stop the butterflies from filling my stomach.

''How about about little virgin, or maybe cherry pie, or perhaps—''

Oh to hell with it, this guy was getting a little too ahead of himself with the ridiculous nicknames. ''I'd prefer if you just called me Yuuri.''

''Alright Yuuri.'' He gave a small laugh, ''I was just kidding.'' Yeah hilarious joke, I was laughing for days over it. I gotta admit though, it was interesting to see the guy I admired up close and personal like this. Seeing who he really was. Not what I had originally imagined, but he could be worst. Although, I can imagine how his image of me would flip once he found out about my sexuality. That's the only reason he was even talking to me. He didn't know about it.

''Why do you keep trying to talk to me?'' I blurted out without even thinking, the words just kept running through my mind. Why was he being considerate towards me? I didn't understand, then I just had to up and say it so bluntly. Still, I refused to give him eye contact.

''Because I find you interesting, is that a good enough reason?'' When I turned to look at him, I jumped when I noticed how close our faces were. My face turned as red as a tomato, this guy really didn't know what personal space was now, did he?

He wore a grin, and I couldn't help but feel doubtful on what he meant by 'interesting'. Victor could have meant anything by that. I opened my mouth to say something but he quickly intervined ''Are you dating anyone?''

''Huh?'' My mouth gaped open when hearing his question, I wasn't really sure where he was going with this.

''Would you like me to hook you up with someone—''

''No!'' I cut him off before he suggested anything else, ''Stop it, can we not talk about this sort of thing?'' Jeez, I had to cover my face to hide how embarrassed I was feeling.

''A good way to gain confidence is by having a lover though.'' Victor stated, and in a serious tone at that. This guy was seriously in over his head. There wasn't even a person I could think of that I'd want as a lover, besides the person sitting beside me.

''Y-You're still going on about that…?'' I groaned, being that I'm still doubtful on Victor's reasons for showing interest in me ''I'm a hopeless case, what part of that don't you understand?''

''Prove to me that you're hopeless, and I'll pretend we never said a single word to each other.'' He spoke closely to me ear, causing an immediate shiver down my spine. Tearing my hands away from my face, I glanced over at him.

''—You're really serious about this?'' And when Victor nodded towards my question, I looked away silently and had to take a moment and think about his offer. Should I? Shouldn't I? This did give me a chance to be around my crush more often. ''Not like I have much of a choice, since you won't take no for an answer.'' I heaved a large sigh. God, what was I getting myself into?

''But before that, I'm sure you know what I want you to do.'' I felt his intense gaze, and I already knew what he meant by that.

''…I'll tell my parents eventually, just… give me some time please.''

I'll be honest though, I felt like Victor was being intrusive on my life. He suddenly comes in and starts demanding all these things. Me, being the spineless, anxious coward that I am couldn't do anything about it. I did have a tugging feeling to let him intrude, maybe something good would come out of this. But I really would prefer if he didn't suddenly demand I tell my parents anything, because for one he didn't even understand the situation. I highly doubt I'd ever consider telling him either.

Later that night, I had left the party. I had originally planned staying there longer, but with the new bruises and such, I felt it was better to lay in my own bed. Victor had insisted on walking me home, but I immediately rejected. It was too overwhelming, walking home alone with a guy you're in love with.

Fortunately, I had exchanged numbers with him. He even followed me back on twitter. I never had the courage to text or call him though. Laying on my bed, I kept tossing and turning at an attempt to get comfortable since the bruises on my torso made it difficult. Eventually I gave up, sitting up against my bed frame. I brought my hand up my shirt to graze over where my bruises were, and it felt so sore and painful.

I shut my eyes as I hissed under my breath from the pain, it started throbbing. A simple trip to the doctor could make this all better, but that one simple trip would cause so many more problems along the way.

It never fails to frustrate me that this all started over someone passing around a rumor about me. Okay, I'm gay. So what? I breathe, I walk, I run, I go to school like everyone else. I don't expect anything more from people than your average, everyday teenager. I just wanted people to understand that, the minute they realize someone's gay they're quick to judge, and assume stupid things. It's not like I'm going to jump every single guy I find attractive. I'm reluctant to even get near a guy I have feelings for, I'm still not sure how I even survived being as close to Victor as I was.

Maybe I'd be lucky and he'd forget we ever encountered each other. I'm really not that interesting of a person. He's one of the best looking guys in school, and I'm most likely the least attractive guy in school. I've yet to get any love confessions from girls, but I'd reject them anyway since of course I wasn't interested.

Really, this whole thing was stressing me out more than neccesary. Sleep is what I needed, and the way I was now the only way I'd ever get it was by sitting up. Not the most comfortable, but definitely less painful.

I took a few deep breaths, then closed my eyes. They had already felt heavy from the lack of sleep, but my mind kept running and made it harder to get tired. When I decided to empty my mind of everything worrisome in my life, that's when I felt myself falling asleep.

Then my phone vibrated.

My eyes shot open immediately, a glare ensuing towards the mobile device beside me. When I looked, it was a text from Victor. Honestly, it was 11pm what the hell did he have to say to me this late?

''I just finished coming out the shower, and wanted to know if you came home already.'' I read, then he texted a picture of himself shirtless, with drenched, wet hair sticking to his face. My face flushed red, and I had to cover my mouth for a minute.

….Was this guy serious?! Okay, he looked unbelieveably hot but that didn't change the fact that he just finished texting me a picture of himself just coming out the shower. For all I know, he could be naked in this picture.

Damnit, no, I can't be thinking like that. Oh my god, this guy is going to be the death of me.

I had to quickly put my phone face down beside me, to prevent myself from seeing it. There's no way in hell I'm texting him back when he sends me something like that.

Being that the picture got me a little too excited, taking a shower would probably be the best solution for me right now. Or I really WON'T get any sleep tonight.

After Victor nearly killed me, I did manage to fall asleep though. Since it was Sunday, I could manage to sleep in a little late. Apparently fate had other things in mind for me though. I woke up to my phone vibrating again, and I groggily reached for my phone and checked the time.

''…Eight, who the hell could be bothering me this early—'' I blanked when I saw 11 text messages from Victor. I put on my glasses just to make sure I saw right. Yeah, they're all from Victor. I even squinted a little to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me.

''Yuuri? Are you asleep?''

''I hope you got home safe.''

''Did I look good in that selfie?''

''Oh yeah, just finished combing my hair. See?'' He sent another selfie with his hair more kempt.

''I was wondering, do you always wear glasses?''

''I prefer wearing sunglasses.''

''I never knew you and Phichit were close friends, I've only just met him earlier this year.''

''Oh yeah I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me today.''

''Phichit gave me your address, so I thought I'd stop by and pick you up.''

''I'm getting ready to go over there now, you're actually not too far from where I live.''

''Alright, I'm on my way.'' I yawned a bit, and it wasn't until then that it really sunk in on what he said. Victor was coming over. Why the hell did Phichit give him my address? What the hell is happening?

I shut my phone off, and hid myself under the blankets. No way in hell. I'm not going anyway. It's Sunday, and there's no way I'm moving from this bed. Nothing in the world could make me move an inch.

''Yuuri, there's someone here to see you!'' I heard my mother call from the entrance. No way in hell, not happening. I am not moving from this spot.

I ignored her, and just remained hidden under my blankets. Blocking out the whole world. I can't do this. God, my face was burning up. It was frustrating, why did he even come over to my house? We only just had an actual conversation yesterday.

''Yuuri, don't be rude. Yuko is one of your best friends isn't she?'' I heard my mother say. Oh, well if it's just Yuko then that's fine.

Pulling off my blanket, I sat up. ''Alright I'm coming…'' I said sleepily.

''So you wake up for Yuko but not me?'' I nearly jumped when I looked to see Victor beside my bed. He was wearing a gray sweatsuit.

So that was all a ploy to get me out of bed. And he dragged my mom into it too….

''S-Sorry, I'm.. not a morning person.'' I glanced away, ''Don't take it personal.''

''How can I not when you didn't answer any of my texts?'' He spoke with a whining tone, ''I thought we were texting buddies.''

''Do texting buddies normally send shirtless pictures to each other?'' I asked sarcastically, side eyeing him.

''They can if you want them too.'' He chuckled with amusement, ''Sorry, I tend to get carried away.''

''—Anyway, I'm going back to sleep.'' I threw the blankets back over myself, and acted as if he never came into the room. Unfortunately, it seemed like Victor had other plans in mind.

''But we're going out today aren't we?'' Damnit, the way he words it makes it sound like a date.

''I never agreed to that.'' I wearily mumbled, clearly not in the mood for going outside.

I heard him huff in disappointment, ''Guess I'll just have to stay here with you then.'' From the way my bed shifted, I could tell he sat ontop of it. I quickly shot up from bed, but quickly bent over in pain from the bruises on my side.

''Yuuri, stay still for a minute.'' I did as he said, although he had to move my hand from the spot I grasped. His hands gently pulled up my shirt, and I felt rub something cold on it.

I tensed up, ''W-What are you—''

''Since you said you didn't want to go to the hospital, I thought I'd look up how to treat things like this. I was able to find an ointment for it, but I'm not entirely sure if it'll be effective.'' He pulled out a roll of bandages, ''If you don't mind, take off your shirt so I can put these on.''

Without any protest I placed my glasses to the side and lifted up the shirt, with some assistance from him. He wrapped them around the area he applied ointment too, and tightly tied it. ''…Thanks.'' I uttered, slipping the shirt back on.

''Yuuri!'' His face looked as if it was in awe, I looked up at him wondering what caught his interest.

''What is it?''

''You look even more adorable without those glasses!'' He beamed like an overjoyed fangirl, just as I was about to put them back on my face.

For once, I ended up laughing. ''Nice joke Victor, you should really get your eyes checked.'' I slipped my glasses back on, and lightly grazed the side of my torso where the bandages were hidden. The pain seemed to be subsiding, thankfully. ''I have one question though, how in the world did you get Phichit-kun to give you my address?''

''What shall we get you to wear? I was thinking about taking you to this really nice fast-food place by our school. The hamburgers there are delicious!'' Victor immediately ignored the topic of getting my address, so I had to assume something suspicious went down between them. I'll have to talk to Phichit later then.

''Just pick whatever doesn't really matter.'' I assured with a small sigh. I never really paid much attention to my clothing, I just kinda put everything together on a whim.

''How about this? Then we can match!'' He pulled out my blue sweatsuit, and concidentally it did look almost identical to his aside from the colors.

''…Sure.'' I took the sweatsuit from him,

''If you need any help getting dressed, just let me know.'' Victor offered, and there we have all the color leaving my face as a gazillion things rushed through my mind from such a comment. I wonder if he was aware of the context behind his words.

''I'll be fine, just wait there!'' I rushed into the bathroom, closing the door behind me without a second thought. I could pretty much hear the beating of my heart through my ears. This… was really hard to process. What really scared me is if I get too used to being around Victor, it'll immediately fall apart if he finds out the truth about me. I can't get my hopes up.

I think I pretty much stood cooped up in the bathroom for a good 20minutes before even getting the motivation to wash my face and brush my teeth.

''Yuuri, you've been in there a while. Are you alright?'' Hearing his voice, I quickly put all my weight against the door to prevent any potential attempts to barge in.

''I-I'm fine, just give me a few minutes!'' I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I just wanted him to leave. As much as I would love to get to know him, the person whom I've admire for this long, it'll all wither away soon.


	4. I'm Only Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri goes on a little 'date' with Victor, and bumps into some unwanted acquaintances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my lack of updates

''Yuuri!'' That's all I continued to hear as I leaned up against the bathroom door. He continued to knock, but I didn't really bother to answer. My worries and doubts kept clouding my thoughts.

''Yuuri, it doesn't take that long to get dressed.'' He whined, but I merely stood silent still refusing to give any type of response.

Here's my real fear right now,

What if he finds out that I'm gay?

It was painful to think about, with how people treat me now over that little fact. Just thinking of Victor turning into that exact same kind of person was horrifying. It was making me shake. Damnit, another anxiety attack was coming if I didn't calm down.

It was difficult. Sometimes I wish I was straight, then maybe I wouldn't be in this situation. Or maybe it would've been better to continue lying to myself, and be someone I'm not. Maybe I'd be more confident, and not feel like a burden to society. Since people like me apparently aren't supposed to exist, this is why I'm so hated by everyone.

Sliding down on the floor against the door, I hugged my body. My nails dug into my arms as I tried desperately to not break down. If I did, Victor would hear me. I hated breaking down in front of people, which is why I always preferred being alone when I ended up getting like this.

Just take deep breaths, deep breaths.

My breaths were shaky, but I managed to keep myself together. I had realized Victor wasn't calling for my name anymore, so I assumed maybe he got tired of me and left. If that was the case, then I was more than relieved.

Being that I was going outside later, I decided to put on the jumpsuit he picked out for me. It was comfortable and easy to move around in, the best thing to wear when you're having an off day.

Carefully opening the knob, I stepped back into my bedroom. He wasn't anywhere in sight, so he did get tired of waiting and left. Victor Nikiforov didn't have time to hang around someone like me, it's understandable.

Feeling hands snake around my torso from behind, I shrieked loudly. Noticing it was Victor, I toned down the shrieking, and just ended up getting really red in the face. My heartbeat wasn't only increasing the longer he kept his arms around me.

Why was he sneaking up on me from behind, and why the hell was he wrapping his arms around me?

The closeness made me feel uneasy, but it was strangely comforting. ''V-Victor… I-I…'' Still startled, I kept stumbling over my words. ''I-I.. I thought you left…''

Maybe he noticed how tense I got under his touch because he immediately released me once I said something, ''If I made it seem that way, I knew you'd come out of hiding.'' There was a sense of proudness in his voice, I guess he saw right through me. ''…You wanted me to leave?

''S-Sorry… I… it's hard to explain…'' Having to face him was a little more than embarassing, I kept my distance from him.

''Is everything okay? I heard you breathing a little weird in there.'' There seemed to be concern in his voice, but eventually all that would change once he figured out the kind of person I really was. He wouldn't feel any need to worry about me.

''I just have a bit of a cough is all..'' I covered my mouth to let out an obvious fake cough, because yeah let me just tell this guy I have terrible anxiety and constant depression. As nice as Victor seemed, there was only so much I'd tell a person I didn't know much about. Even if I did have a crush on them.

''Oh..'' Victor put a finger to his lips, looking at me in what seemed to be intense thought. Looking towards him, I still felt that thumping in my chest.

''—What is it?'' Feeling his eyes on me so intently only made me feel more self conscious. Just what the hell is with him? I felt so inferior under his gaze.

''You look really nice in blue.'' I paused, then looked over to see him grinning at me.

''Uh, thanks…'' Wasn't really sure how else to respond to that. Honestly, what went through this guy's mind? It was hard to tell what he was thinking. Even more so when he grabbed my wrist. I went from feeling flustered, from feeling anxious. Swallowing a bit, I looked up to see his face.

''I don't want you running away from me this time, so don't mind me.'' He winked, and I think my heart skipped a beat. His grip was gentle, without any attempt at hurting me. Being bullied and beaten so often has left me constantly feeling paranoid over the slightest things. I should be mentally prepared for the worst though.

''—A-Anyway, can we just go?'' I covered my face with my free hand, feeling my cheeks heating up as I spent more time with this guy. There was literally no way out of this, so I might as well get it over with because I had a bad feeling if I hung around Victor too often and ended up getting seen by students from our school then it would lead to more problems. Not only for me, but for Victor too. I only wondered if he knew the risk of hanging around me.

Believe it or not, the entire way to this hamburger place he was taking me, he for sure kept a hold on my wrist. Never letting it go even for a second. Then there was me, who kept constantly looking around to make sure no one we knew saw us. Victor stole a few glances, but I avoided any possible eye contact.

When we arrived to the place Victor mentioned, we sat across from each other once he bought the food. I insisted on paying, but he said since he was the one who invited me it'd be better if he paid. I've honestly never met someone as stubborn as this guy.

''Vkusno! These are amazing as usual!'' Victor beamed after taking a bite out of his burger, I just chewed on mine silently while gazing awkwardly towards anywhere but the Russian. I wasn't sure what 'Vkusno' meant, but I felt a little silly asking.

''So Yuuri…'' Victor put down his food, and folded his hands under his chin. I glanced upwards to see him staring intently towards me. Was… he mad at me? ''Was there a particularly reason you were frantically looking around while we was coming here?''

My eyes quickly darted away. I debated whether I should really tell him it was because I didn't want to be seen with him around people we knew from school. Yeah, not really a good idea. He might take it the wrong way. ''No reason, I just have a habit of doing that.''

I felt my face being gently forced to look him in the eyes, and suddenly I felt myself lose all the blood in my face. ''Just like you have a habit of looking away whenever you lie, right?'' he looked amused.

''I-I was just scared of someone seeing us together!'' Impulsively, I slapped his hand from my face. ''There, I said it! Are you happy now?!'' I was losing my cool, it was no wonder Victor was able to read me like a book.

Not so surprisingly, Victor was startled by my outburst. ''But why—''

''Just forget it! I'm going to go use the bathroom…'' I quickly rushed to the men's bathroom, without even looking back. Damnit, I'm so mad at myself for acting that way. He just keep catching me off guard. Why is he doing this to me? Why the hell is he interested in a loser like me? Why? It'd be so much easier if he'd just go back to treating me like I didn't exist. All I did was bandage a little cut he had on his hand, why am I here eating burgers with him? I don't get it…

My face was hot, and judging by the wet spots on the sink, tears were falling from my eyes. I just finished making a fool of myself in front of someone I look up to. Great job Yuuri, great job.

I can only imagine what Victor's thinking after my outburst, 'What a mistake getting involved with this kid, I have better things to do.'

Yeah, that's definitely what he's thinking. No doubt about it.

Wiping my tears from my sleeve, I splashed some cold water on my face and dried it off with a paper towel. Taking deep breaths in, and out, I managed to calm myself down. Altleast one day, I'd like to end without crying. My mental instability seemed to have other plans apparently.

When I walked out the bathroom, I was surprised more or less to find Victor still sitting at our table. But, my legs froze in place when I realized the two other guys he was talking to. This was the last thing that I wanted, the thing I was fearing the entire time I spent with Victor today. The heavens must believe I don't deserve a decent high school life since they keep making me encounter these two people. Yeah, Victor was talking to the two people who have been the main cause of my suffering.

The people who continued to not only insult me, but also beat me senselessly to the point that I was so sure I'd die.

Once I saw them, I didn't move from my spot. I just stared, horrified. I didn't know what to do. I could try to sneak away, but they'd most likely notice me. I also could most definitely not go to Victor, since they'd see me instantly, and I for sure knew how that'll end up. It was a lose either way, there was no way out of this.

That's it, I started panicking. I can't do this.

Victor noticed me and waved. ''Yuuri! Come meet my two friends, Chris and JJ!''

What's even worst was that Victor was actually friends with them. Which meant if they hated me, then Victor was more than likely to hate me as well. Right now I really wanted to crawl under a rock and die. No situation I've been in has been more terrifying than the one I was in right now.

I felt my stomach churn painfully when they looked towards me. I may know their names now, but that didn't mean they weren't going to kick my ass.

''Oh, Victor. This is the guy you're hanging out with?'' JJ snorted from laughing, ''Really…''

''…Hmm? I don't see anything wrong with him—'' Victor glanced over at me,

''You should involve yourself with trash, people like him will definitely give you a bad reputation.'' Chris warned, watching JJ walk over to me. I looked down, feeling my entire being tremble. As much as I wanted to stay calm, I couldn't. I tried to suppress my hyperventilating, but it just ended up getting out of control once JJ had gotten close to me.

''What's wrong you little gay pig? Afraid?'' He shoved me forward from behind, and as a defense mechanism I hugged my body and just stood in the place where I was shoved to. I bit my bottom lip, and only hoped the tears wouldn't leave my eyes.

''C'mon, say something. I really don't think I kicked your ass hard enough last time, I can always do it again.'' JJ grabbed me by the sleeve and hurled me against the wall. I felt the pain from my bruises throb as the wall connected with my back.

''Careful JJ, you might break the poor thing.'' Chris said in amusement. Yeah, I honestly doubted he cared for my wellbeing even in the least.

''Okay, just get it over with.'' I barely managed to mumble, closing my eyes. I waited for him to beat me senselessly like he always did. Several seconds passed and he still didn't do it, but I felt his grip on my jacket release.

''Victor, what the fuck?'' I opened my eyes to see JJ and Chris on the floor, with Victor standing in front of me with his arms spread out. I was left speechless, my eyes widening. My body still trembled, I couldn't really bring myself to say anything. All I stared at was the back that faced me, and apparently protected me.

''Leave him alone.'' It was the first time I heard Victor sound so serious, maybe even angry. I was astonished alone at the fact that he was helping me.

''Dude, he's gay.'' JJ pointed out maliciously, and my heart sank. I knew this was going to happen. Now I just had to see how Victor felt about it. ''That's disgusting.''

Being called disgusting in itself was something that stung, but if your crush of all people was to call you it then it'd definitely hurt even more. I kept praying some miracle would occur and maybe-

''I know.'' Victor admitted, and a small gasp left my lips. ''I go to the same school as you guys, you think I wouldn't know? I just don't care, what difference would it make if he was or not? You make it seem like he's some sort of alien sent out to destroy us when he literally wouldn't even harm a fly. I enjoy hanging out with him, so if that ruins my reputation then so be it.'' He grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him, ''Let's go Yuuri.''

Not that I really had a choice since he was pulling me out by force, ''A-Alright..'' without saying anything else, we left them there. I didn't know what else to say after that honestly. My worries were wrong, all this time he knew I was gay. Yet I kept fearing when he'd find out.

It wasn't until we were decently far away from the hamburger place that Victor stopped. That was when I noticed we were holding hands, and pulled my hand away by impulse. I wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure how to word it. ''V-Victor…'' before I even gotten a sentence out, he hugged me tightly in his arms.

''I'm sorry.'' Victor whispered softly, I was too stunned by the hug, and pretty much everything else to reply. I definitely felt calmer around him now, I didn't have anything to be afraid of anymore. ''You should've told me those two were the ones bullying you, then I really could've done something.''

''I-It's fine, I don't like bringing other people into my problems. Besides, I deserve what they did to me.'' I let out a pained laugh.

''No you don't, you don't deserve any of the things they did to you. There's nothing wrong with you, you're a human being like the rest of us. Preferring men over women doesn't change that.'' As many times I was told that by Yuko, Phichit, and my mother, being told it by Victor had a whole new meaning. This was the person I had feelings for, and right now I feel like my feelings for him grew. He accepts me for who I am, he sees me as a person.

Just hearing it from him, it put tears in my eyes. It meant so much, I couldn't help but wrap my arms around him and hug him back. I gave a small lighthearted laugh through my tears, ''You don't know how much it means to hear you of all people say that.''

''…Then, would you let me know who the real Yuuri Katsuki is now?'' He broke the hug so he can look me in the eyes,

I took off my glasses and wipe my tears away, ''If you're willing to get to know someone with a whole lot of problems and self-doubt.''

He smirked confidently, ''When I'm done with you, you'll forget what self-doubt even is.''

For the first time since we met, I believed his words. Since now I know he accepts me for what I really am. I was curious to see how he plans to give me some self-confidence.

I smiled brightly, knowing this guy in front of me would most likely bring me many things I'll be looking forward to in the future. ''…Can't wait.''

''Let's take a selfie for twitter to announce our new friendship, come.'' He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and angled his phone so that we'd both be in a picture. I blinked then quickly hid my face with both my hands.

''N-No! I don't like taking pictures…'' I protested,

''Yuuuuri!'' Victor pouted like a 4 year old, ''Please, just one?''

I huffed, ''..Fine, just one…'' I took my hands from my face and looked up into Victor's phone camera, not really smiling because I always managed to look terrible. When the flash finally went off, I was relieved.

''Hmm, hmm, just finished eating burgers with this cutie.'' Victor voiced what he was typing on his phone out loud, immediately causing me to get flustered.

''Don't write that, what the hell?!'' I tried to grab his phone away but he held it up high and flaunted the picture we took together.

''Too late, already posted.'' Victor smiled proudly, putting his phone away.

''…What if people start spreading more stupid rumors?'' I couldn't help worrying, after what happened with JJ and Chris, I can only imagine the chaos that'll start at school.

''First step in gaining confidence, my lovely little Yuuri.'' He stroked my hair and looked at me confidently, ''You shouldn't care what other people think.''


	5. Opening up, But Not Completely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri finally opens up to his mother.

I shouldn't care what other people think, that's what Victor told me. It stuck to me harder than the gum my sister put in my hair when we were younger. It was more easier said than done, I've always been influenced by the opinions of others. As much as I try to make it seem like the opinions don't bother me, they did. I'm a weak minded person, there's no getting around that.

….But, something in me kept believing that maybe Victor's influence can help make me stronger. That night when I got home from the day spent with Victor, I couldn't stop smiling to myself. My crush accepts me for who I am, and he's helping me gain confidence for whatever reason that he decided to do it.

My smile eventually faded, as negative thoughts soon ruled over my positive thoughts. I still didn't know why he was helping me, we never really interacted except for the occasion times when I'd bump into him and quickly mumble a 'sorry' and run off, and one time we were partners during P.E. That's pretty much the most interaction in it's entirety, pretty sure Victor forgot all of those moments. Unfortunately, those moments meant more to me than he'd ever knew. Victor's never been judgmental, he's always been… open-minded.

If only more straight people were like him.

But maybe he could be hiding something behind that smile he always wears, I'm not an idiot, I know someone isn't always that chipper. He's hiding something, maybe it's connected to the reason why he's suddenly grown interested in me.

It might be a little naïve of me, but… I guess I wouldn't mind the attention even if he is using me. In the short time I've gotten to known him better, it felt as if the void I've aquired has been slowly filling up.

Any normal person would just straight up go and ask, ''Why are you trying so hard to help me?''

Because I couldn't really be as interesting as he kept making it seem.

But me advocate for my own feelings? What a joke, I'd get a nervous breakdown. It was nerve-wrecking just thinking about. I'd probably figure it out as time went on.

Staring at the picture we took together earlier that day, my heart leaped in my chest. Just seeing it seemed to make all my worries fade away, I couldn't resist setting it as my phone's background As I adjusted myself on the bed, I felt a sharp pain in my torso. Those bruises hadn't fully healed yet, and that made something Victor told come back to mind.

When he walked me back home, right before he left Victor said in a serious tone. I could tell he was concerned for my well-being when he said it. ''Tell your parents about those injuries those two guys kept giving you, and don't worry. If they hurt you again, I'll murder them.''

I swallowed thickly when he said that, I had a feeling he was serious about the murder part. I was still hesitant on the matter of telling my parents about what's going on, but my feelings wavered after everything Victor's done for me.

''Okay, I will when I get home tonight.'' I smiled up at him, and when I saw him smile back it made me more than ever want to stop lying to him already. For once, I wanted to be completely honest with someone.

''If anything happens, just call or text me okay?'' I nodded, and that's when we finally parted ways. I kind of didn't want the day with him to end, I wanted to talk to him more.

After remembering that, I found myself carefully getting off the bed with the occasion wince from the pain in my torso. It was only 9 at night, so my mom should still be awake downstairs. I kept hold of my torso as I walked down the stairs, my feet creaking with every step.

I found my mom in the kitchen, wiping down the table. ''Hey mom, can I talk to you?'' she stopped what she was doing and turned to look at me.

''Did you have fun with your friend? You were smiling after you came back with him.'' Mom commented with a cheery smile.

I blushed at what she said, and found myself looking away. ''…Y-Yeah, I enjoyed myself.'' My lips curled upwards, but then I suppressed the flustered feelings to get serious. If I didn't tell her now, I probably never would. I have to do this, for Victor. Wait, no..

I have to do this for myself.

Well, if Victor never pushed me I would've never done it.

''That isn't what I wanted to talk to you about though…'' I found the courage to look her in the eyes for once, slowly but steadily making my way closer to her but stopping half-way to lean on the kitchen counter.

''Mhm? Go on, you can tell me anything. You know that.'' I can tell she was more than happy about me finally being able to talk to her directly when ever since all these problems started happening, lie after lie came, and I just continued to distance myself from my parents altogether. It became just a simple, ''Good morning.'', ''Goodnight'' relationship. I felt guilty since they ARE my parents, more than that I was so close to my mother growing up. She always did everything to make sure I was happy. She was the first one that I came out to, and as afraid as I was, the first thing that came out her mouth was,

''Introduce me to your first boyfriend.'' I hugged her after that, and just cried into her shoulder because it was comforting to know she loved me even after what I told her. There were plenty of kids who weren't as lucky as me, yet I kept hiding from her.

''I have something to show you…'' I emitted a sigh, and walked over to the sink to wash the makeup off my face I was using to cover up my bruises, then undid the bandages and held them in my hands before turning to face my mother. ''It's been going on for a while, and I was scared to tell you but… I wanna stop hiding things from you and dad so…'' I lifted up my black tee and showed her the bruises and such on my torso. A gasp was the first thing that I had from her, it was probably a lot to take in.

Coming within reach, her hand grazed over a purple area that was slightly above my stomach. I flinched a little, feeling a sting from her touch and she retracted her hand when she heard my reaction.

''I figured you were being bullied, but you… kept distancing yourself.'' Her eyes looked down, and her smile had long fallen off her face.

''I didn't want to bother you with my problems, that's why—''

My mom laughed, then looked up at me. '' I gave birth to you, what kind of mother would I be if I didn't help you out with your problems?'' she brought both her hands and caressed my face in them, I could see the tears she blinked away at the corner of her eyes. ''If you feel like the whole world is against you, just know I'm the one person who'll still have your back when you need me to.''

I knew that, but my brain refuses to let me remember that when it really counted. Hearing my mother's words just led to my eyes watering, as painful it was going to feel to hug her, that's just what I did. I cried like a little boy who needed his mother's affection more than ever. ''I love you mom, I.. I love you so much.'' My voice cracked with every word, and my bruised body ached as I hugged her tighter.

''I love you too, Yuri. I always will.'' She sniffled, letting me know she was crying too. ''One question though.''

I broke the hug when she said that, to look at her as I dried the tears from my eyes. ''W-What is it?''

''That boy you went out with today, he's the reason you told me this. Am I right?'' She was sharp, no point in hiding that fact.

I was taken back by the question, and looked away with red cheeks. ''-W-Well, I.. mean… he—'' I kept tripping over my words, and my mom giggled as she watched me, I just stifled a small chuckle myself. ''Yeah, he is.''

''..Dating?''

I think I choked on my own saliva, and struggled to gasp for air in that moment. ''N-No! It's not like that! I swear, he's just—we're just friends I swear.'' I had to quickly deny it. But by that smirk she was throwing my way, she could probably tell how I felt about me. I was an open book to everyone that knew me personally.

''I'm grateful to him.'' Mom grinned up at me, ''Tell him I said thank you.'' I gave her a small nod.

''With how those bruises look though, we should probably take you to the doctor.'' I internally winced when she said that, I figured it would happen though. ''I'll let your father and sister know, go put some shoes and a jacket on.''

''Yeah...'' when I had already grabbed my navy blue jacket, I heard her speaking on the phone with my sister. That's right, she was staying over at one of her friend's house.

God, I just hoped I didn't get admitted into the hospital. That's the last thing I wanted, but in the end it's my fault for not speaking up sooner.

After slipping on my jacket, with a few hissing from pain I put on my sneakers which were by the door since mom liked to keep the floor spotless.

Mom met me by the door, and soon we got into her car and drove off to the hospital.

''..Please don't admit me, please don't admit me, please, please…'' I mumbled under my breath, my mom put a hand over mine when she stopped at a red light.

''Don't worry, if you do get admitted you can get that handsome foreign boy to visit and take care of you.'' She said teasingly, my face began heated up when she said that.

''…Mom…'' I softly whined, as a way to tell her to lay off the teasing. She only replied with a laugh, driving off again as the light turned green again. Now that I thought about it, having Victor visit me and worry over me didn't sound so bad. Giving me his attention and—

Well, I'm sure he'd have better things to do than visit me in the hospital everyday. This was only a hypothetical idea, hopefully I wouldn't have to stay in the hospital.

When we arrived, they did some tests on me and consistently poked me with needles to check the bruises I had. It was painful. I couldn't wait till' it was over.

I heard them mention something along the lines of 'fatal blood clot' to my mom, and unfortunately enough I ended getting admitted into the hospital that night. My mom stood with me the entire time, so at the very least I wasn't alone.

I had an IV stuck to me, and ended up having to wear one of those all-too-revealing hospital robes. Pissed, I was so pissed I had to stay cooped up in here. I stood staring up at the ceiling silently for a good hour probably.

''Yuri, are you going to tell your friends that you're here?'' Mom asked, seeing that I was upset. ''I hate to see you so—''

''..No, don't tell them please…'' I remained staring at the ceiling, I wasn't mad at her, more at the fact that I was here. ''I don't want them to waste their time coming to visit me, it's fine. It's enough that you're here.''

I could tell she wasn't entirely sure about my answer, but she didn't say nothing more on the subject. ''Try to get some sleep then, they're going to do tests on you in the morning.''

''Alright.'' It was easier said than done, I felt so uncomfortable in the hospital. Reaching for my phone though, I stared at the background on it one last time before closing my eyes. It took a bit of time, but I managed to fall asleep.

The dream I had that night, it was surprisingly pleasant. I couldn't quite make out who it was that I saw, but they reached for my hand and kept saying,

''Come with me.'' I couldn't see their face, but I wanted to take their hand and let them lead me to wherever it was they wanted to take me to. Seeing them, I felt joy and happiness. I felt like it was okay to trust my life in their hands. Before I even had a chance to take their hand, my eyes shot open in reality.

Gazing over to the hospital sofa my mom previously sat in, I noticed it was empty. So I was alone. The room was cold, and the thin blanket I was given barely gave me warmth from it.

''Good morning Yuri!'' My heart stopped when I heard that. God, didn't I tell my mom not to tell them. I huffed. ''…Oooh, bad mood? I guess I'll leave, and take this food with me—''

''N-No don't—ow..'' I winced when I shot up, and quickly regret it as I grasped my side. I clenched my teeth, and looked over at Victor, ''Don't go, please…''

He smiled and pulled up a chair to right beside my bed. ''Phichit told me this was your favorite, so I thought maybe it'll help you cheer up.'' He placed a box on that odd table hospitals usually had that stretched across the bed, and lightly pushed it in front of me. When he opened it up, the scent of katsudon hit my nose, and my mouth watered. I was too in awe to realize I was mildly drooling from my mouth, it's been a while since I had a bowl of katsudon.

''Here, don't strain yourself too much. I'll feed you.'' He grabbed the chopsticks and ripped them apart,

Wait.. Victor… feed me?

Oh god, oh god.

''No.. I mean.. I-I can do it, I wouldn't wanna…'' I try to deny, as the smoke from the katsudon hit my face.

''Shh.'' He placed a finger over my lips, ''Just pretend I'm your doctor. I'm tending to a needy patient.'' That was worst, it just led me to get suggestive ideas in my head. Not good at all. At that point, I didn't say anything as he picked some of the katsudon up with the chopsticks and held it out. ''Say aah~''

This was embarrassing… ''Aah…'' I opened up my mouth for him to put the katsudon in, and it was heaven once it reached my taste buds. I smiled uncontrollably while I ate it, ''Delicious…''

''Oh, and before you ask.. It wasn't your mother that called me here.'' He suddenly stated, answering my question before I even got a chance to ask it. ''I wanted to make sure you actually did what I said yesterday, so I called the hospital to see if you came in and when I found out you were admitted I dropped everything I was doing and came here.''

''…You do know there's school today…'' I said, pretty surprised he was that concerned to even go through all that trouble.

''One day, who cares. I just wanted to see how you was doing. '' Victor made it seem as if it was no big deal, when in reality I didn't want him to miss out on something as important as school just to see my worthless ass. ''Plus, your mom told me to come cheer you up when I bumped into her downstairs.''

''…Did she…'' My mouth twitched, knowing she did that BECAUSE it was Victor. When Victor held out another piece of the katsudon I opened my mouth and ate it.

''She obviously worries over you a lot, so I'm glad you told her.'' He continued to feed me until the bowl was partly full and I confessed to not being hungry anymore. ''Good, at least you're eating. Hopefully they won't keep you for too long.''

He's so concerned over me, yet we've known each other for three days. THREE DAYS. What the hell, I'm so confused. He's visiting me at the hospital, yet he barely even knows me. As he kept talking, I just stared at him. It was so hard to read him, I couldn't tell if he was really being sincere with being so worried over me, or was just secretly doing this for his own benefit.

Maybe he was plotting something with those two bullies, and was waiting for the right moment to corner me. He was waiting for when I was most vulnerable.

''Phichit told me a few useful things about you, and I gotta say he's—'' Victor stopped talking and gazed at me. That's when I realized I was crying, it was probably due to all of the stupid things I was thinking about. ''Yuri, what's wrong?''

I turned away from him and wiped away the tears with my blanket. ''N-Nothing, sorry. I'm just.. being stupid is all. Sorry..''

''..Hmm? You didn't do anything wrong though?'' Victor sounded confused, ''—Oh, if you feel bad about not eating all of the katsudon it's fine! I know coming here is a little overwhelming so—''

''Victor can you… please leave.'' I didn't know what I was saying, I just felt really confused. Yet I was scared to tell him what was on my mind.

He blinked when I told him that, ''..What? Did I do something wrong?'' when Victor answered me I could tell he felt hurt by his tone of voice.

''I wanna be alone, please leave.'' I didn't want him to leave, I wanted him to stay with me. I wanted him to tell me more, anything, even if it was the most random thing in the world, just hearing his voice made me happy.

''…Oh.'' A tensed laugh came forth from his lips, ''Alright.'' Victor didn't say anymore, and just walked out the hospital room.

Good job dumbass, I couldn't see his face when he walked out but in a way I felt like I screwed up by saying that. I should've just asked them, but I probably would have assume he was lying anyway so what was the point?

No point in regretting now, I just sat back against the bed. The scent of katsudon still remained in the room. It was delicious, even more so since Victor fed it to me.


End file.
